


Best In Show

by Gairid



Category: Vampire Chronicles - All Media Types, Vampire Chronicles - Anne Rice
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-05
Updated: 2010-06-05
Packaged: 2017-10-09 22:26:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/92261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gairid/pseuds/Gairid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lestat isn't at all curious about who was the Number One Vampire in an edition of Entertainment Weekly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Best In Show

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fanged_Angel](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Fanged_Angel).



> From a discussion with fanged_angel about Lestat coming in at Number One in the Twenty Greatest Vampires article in the August 7, 2009 issue of EW.

  
****

## Best in Show

****  


 

We stood in the rectangle of light beneath the office window, closed at this time of year to contain the chilled recirculated air. It was just past midnight and it was still murderously hot. "Look, Louis. Brian's still in the office. Let's surprise him."

I shot him an amused look but didn't try to dissuade him; there is no use, after all, in trying to talk him out of something he is determined to do.

"Surprise? I think you mean scare the bejesus out of him."

He flashed me a fangy grin. "Come on. We'll go and let ourselves in the back."

Lestat did manage to startle Brian but there was something about his sheepish grin that made me think he was not so muched frightened as he was somehow embarrassed. Lestat, peeved that he hadn't caused Brian's hair to turn white or at the very least unnerved him into tumbling out of the the chair, also noticed. "What's that?"

"What?" Brian said, backing up against the desk.

"Whatever you're hiding behind your back." I said sweetly.

"Just a magazine. It was in today's mail." he said lamely. It was really not at all like him to be so reticent.

"What magazine?" Lestat said, slinking up to Brian and pinning him against the desk. "Is it porn? No need to be embarrassed."

"No, it's not porn." Brian managed. He was staring with no small amount of fascinated lust at Lestat's mouth.

"I'm certain that there is nothing Brian finds more stimulating then your proximity." I pointed out.

"Let me see." Lestat said into Brian's ear. The magazine changed hands and Lestat looked at the cover.

"Oh, my God. Not this again!" He whirled and showed me the cover. _'Vampires!'_ it proclaimed in large letters above what I presumed to be the title of the periodical. Beneath that was a rather poorly Photoshopped picture of two men, one of who had lifted his lips to bare a pair of incongruously large fangs. I recognized him from a cable show that Lestat and I watched when we remembered to. "More whey-faced human actors playing vampires. "This one--" he tapped his shining nail on the photo of the young man who had opted for a closed-mouth broody stare. "This one doesn't even have fangs. What sort of vampire is that? An emasculated one, that's what."

"How'd you know that?" Brian asked, having gained back a bit of his equinamity. Lestat turned and gave him an incendiary glare.

"This magazine comes every week." he said

"Look." I said, sidling up beside Lestat and taking the magazine from his hand. "It's got a list of the Twenty Greatest Vampires of All Time." Brian caught my eye over Lestat's shoulder and gave me a wry smile. "Let's see who made the list, hmm?"

"Those aren't real vampires, Louis." my annoyed beloved growled.

"A lot of people think _you_ aren't real." Brian said helpfully. This time he took Lestat's glare well in stride.

I settled down on the low leather couch and began paging through the magazine.

"Page thirty." Brian said.

"Louis, really!"

"You want to know if you're on the list, don't you?" I asked.

"No." he said in his best petulant voice. "I don't"

"Uh huh." Brian muttered.

"Of course you do. Let's see. Counting back from Number 20. Caleb and Mae from a film called Near Dark. Number 19. Selene from _Underworld_. Wasn't she the one who stole your leather pants?"

"You saw _Underworld_?" Brian asked.

I nodded absently."Countess Bathory. There, see? She was real."

"She was a serial killer, Louis, not a vampire." Lestat said. He'd dropped the petulance.

"Eli from _Let The Right One In_. I don't know that film."

"I rented it." Brian said. "Didn't make it past the one hour point."

"Ah. Blade is in at number sixteen and the enchanting Ms. Denueve with Susan Sarandon as Miriam Blaylockand with the always outstanding David Bowie."

"Louis..."

"Shhh." I said soothingly." David from _The Lost Boys_."

"Keifer Sutherland." Lestat said contemplatively.

"Oh, look. A vampire called Jean-Claude from the Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter series. According to this little blurb he 'still rocks a lace-trimmed shirt and leather pants.' " I looked at Lestat. "_Passé_." we said in unison. I continued reading. "Zoey Redbird from a young adult series. Klaus Kinski's Dracula."

"Not what you'd describe as attractive, but I liked his take on the story." Lestat said. "Go on."

"Are you sure? I mean it is rather puerile."

"Where are we? Number ten, isn't it?"

"Just so. Another Dracula---the Gary Oldman one."

"What was with his hair when he was in the castle?" Brian asked.

"Is he a short man, Gary Oldman? Maybe he wanted to get some height on Keanu Reeves. Go on, Louis."

"Number nine is another teen-aged vampire series. Schuyler Van Alen."

"There are a lot of them out now." Brian said.

"Which is why there are so many of these ridiculous lists."

He tried to look over the top of the magazine but I put it against my chest. "Number eight is the estimable Stephen King's creation, Mr. Barlow."

"That movie scared the hell out of me when I was a kid." Brian said. "So did the book."

"Cheesy, wasn't it?" Lestat asked. "The movie, not the book."

"Not to a nine year old. When that kid came back as a vampire and clawed at the window? Me and my brothers slept with the shades down for months."

They both turned and looked expectantly at me.

"Number seven. Angel."

"Should have been Spike." Brian opined.

"Good coat." Lestat said. "But Angel had a good coat too."

"Overlarge brow." I said. "To continue. Asa Vajda--a very good choice indeed."

"What movie was that?" Brian asked.

"_Black Sunday_. An Italian film. Rent it." I advised. "Number five is a tie...Bill and Eric from _True Blood_."

"Lots of eye-candy on that show" Brian said.

"Ah...here's the fangless one, Lestat, in at Number four is Edward Cullen."

Lestat refrained from another tirade that might further show that he knew far more about the _Twilight_ film than he was comfortable with, opting instead to give one of his famously dismissive hand gestures.

"Three and Two are other Dracula adaptations, Bela Lugosi and Christopher Lee respectively."

I closed the magazine.

"Well?" Lestat said. Brian, unable to hide his grin, turned away.

"Well what?"

"Who's the greatest vampire?"

"As if you didn't know, my darling." I said, rising from the couch. I put my hands on his waist and pulled him close. "It's just a magazine, right?" I kissed him warmly and he sighed into my mouth. When I released him he snatched the magazine from the couch and found the page.

"Right." he said. "_Damn_ right."

"Who else could it have been?" I said lightly.

He laughed, then, shivering the windows a little. "I am a vain, frivolous creature and I know it, but I'm a damned good vampire."

"Best in Show." I agreed.

 

  
**FIN**  



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